Even For People Like Us
by Mythweaver
Summary: Ivanova after Sleeping In Light, showing that new beginnings don't just happen in one-line scenes.


EVEN FOR PEOPLE LIKE US  
  
By: Mythweaver. Summary: Ivanova immediately after Sleeping in Light. Genre: Babylon 5. Spoilers: Many. Copyright: Not mine. Live with it.  
  
"Time 'til arrival? We must be nearly there by now." asked Entil'zha Ivanova, of no one in particular or perhaps of everyone in general. The response from the ship's crew came in Minbari, a language she was finally mastering, a mere twenty-one years after starting to learn it. When you lead an interplanetary force based on Minbar, it does tend to help to know the local lingo. She stopped. The words she had thought, she had thought in his voice again. Damn. "Lingo". Almost as bad as "boffed". A week earlier she had said goodbye to Delenn on the viewing promontory of what had been her and John's residence in Tuzenor. It had been a beautiful morning, the hundred-foot high spires of deep blue crystal sighing all around as the breeze rolled across them, their roots deep in the planet below. Delenn's parting gift had been the image of those great spires as smoking ruins after the war, her message clear - all things can be rebuilt.  
"It is off the regular routes these days" replied the Narn captain of White Star Prime, in which they were journeying.  
"Isn't everything these days?"  
The remark went unappreciated. Narns tend to be a grumpy people at best.  
"Ready, Entil'zha."  
"Jump."  
A vortex opened, and the ship passed through into the starry backdrop of conventional space. Some around the bridge had braced themselves awkwardly at the change of gravity of the jump. Even amongst White Star Prime there must have been new crew.  
Hell, Susan had probably averaged at least one hyperspace jump per week over her entire life. And that was a life spent mostly on space stations. Once a week - well that was more than some people, well, y'know. Boffed. Her included. The thought led her to glance at the second-in- command's position, empty. It just brought back the memory of a dozen missions, a hundred jumps, and twenty years of regret.  
Twenty years that she was determined to put behind her. She was Entil'zha of the Rangers, the An'La'Shok, crusaders for light in a galaxy of darkness, creators of peace, harmony and all things nice, yadda, yadda.  
She was not an Earthforce desk-jockey any more.  
A moment passed.  
"There's nothing here, Entil'zha."  
The Narn was right. Space was, as the name suggested, empty. "Tachyon emissions? Anything?"  
A shake of the head from the Narn.  
Being Entil'zha had its priveliges, one of them being that if you say you want to take a three day detour on the way to your inauguration, no one dares to suggest otherwise. Although the Entil'zha being the legendary Susan Ivanova may also have had something to do with it as well.  
The sector was empty though. It was her last hope - the site where she had helped steal Babylon 4 and send it back through time. Time was a bit of a looser concept here. But there was nothing.  
Nothing.  
She wasn't really sure what had driven her to her little maudlin sight-seeing tour. Coriana 6, Z'Ha'Dum, all the rest. Partially it was just a chance to exploit the freedom from her Earthforce commission before her independent spirit was put in the fuel tank of the Rangers. But it was also more than that. She had been seeking something. Something unknowable. There had been a time when her life had changed every week or so, where worlds hung on every decision and where she knew that she mattered. The Chinese said 'may you live in interesting times' was a curse, but at least it gives you something to think about - to fill the moments. She had just wished for something to leap out of her past and.  
"Entil'zha!"  
.uh-oh.  
"Yes?"  
"We just got a communication. Addressed to you, Entil'zha. By name."  
"From where?"  
"Epsilon 3." The face of the Minbari communications officer took on that perplexed expression that their race did so well. "Someone called Draal wants you to know why you're not visiting."  
  
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"It's beautiful out here." said Susan, her view ranging across the sky. A shining dot marked the location of the White Star far above, and the setting of it against the faint glow of the slight layer of background dust caused by the destruction of Babylon 5 was quite spectacular.  
The hologram of Draal took on the tone of an instructor. "Yes. The twinkling of stars, and many other effects on the visual perception of space, is caused primarily by the effect of an atmosphere. Since the atmosphere you're currently breathing extends about two metres above your head, it's unique for a planet-bound view. Without breathing apparatus at least"  
Her head turned, and her face 'went Susan'.  
"Why did you want me to land here, Draal? It's more than just stargazing."  
"Would you believe I'm lonely? There are only so many Zathras one can talk to before needing to seek fresh conversation."  
A sceptical eyebrow took her expression to new levels.  
Draal chuckled, as fatherly as ever. "Susan, you have visited this planet many times, and we have struck up an odd friendship, don't you think?"  
"Well."  
"No, this is not a proposal. I left that behind a century ago."  
"Phew, 'cos I had images of you drawing up a guest list."  
She murmured on as he continued.  
"But you and I have something in common."  
"And the cake. How'd we get food out here."  
"Susan."  
"And the ceremony. Well, it'd be Zathras times seventy on one side, and on the other, well."  
"Susan!"  
She stirred.  
"You joined the Great Machine once before. Now I'm offering you one more glimpse of the galaxy, twenty years on from those most momentous of days. It is a chance for -" He paused. "Perspective."  
The offer was overwhelming. Only one who had seen it before, as Susan had, alone of all the peoples of the galaxy, could appreciate what the ancient Minbari was suggesting. All she could do was nod. "Good." grinned Draal. "And then we can start talking about presents."  
  
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"I will still have a link to you. I can be a guide, but I will only see what you want me to see. And I will draw you out at the proper time." The Minbari grunted as he stretched his long dormant muscles.  
"Maybe you should get out more." suggested Susan. Draal's response was a wry glare. "Well, OK, I'm ready." "Then prepare to see what you have never seen before." The world began to blur. Under her breath, Ivanova simply whispered "for you, Marcus."  
The planet vanished around her, and she was felt free to roam the depths of the night. It was like being a First One unbridled, able to walk between the stars unaided. And so her journey of the mind began, far greater in scope than she had intended when leaving Minbar for her inauguration on the Drazi homeworld.  
The galaxy was indeed a different place to how it had been when she stepped in, so briefly, once before. The shadow was gone - the darkness that had lain just under all the cities, the domes and the towers had passed away. As her gaze probed into hyperspace, it was not met with hatred coming out from those ancients who had been the masters of its depths and had looked out, coveting the glittering prizes of the worlds of normal space.  
She wondered. Had she done this? Had Babylon 5 changed so much?  
In a flash of perception, her years on the station raced by in front of her. Until the day that she could never forget. She saw it again, as she had watched over and over on security film.  
He smashed the door down. Sent the doctors and nurses flying. And hooked them both up to the machine. The energy that drove him could have knocked a shadow warship cold. Her unseeing eye shed a tear.  
"I love you."  
As they both said the words, her soul emptied.  
And the journey rushed on, forward and backward chaotically. It followed the wars and the peaces, ranging over all the events on the edge of which she had stood. She saw it all.  
She saw her family die, one by one. Her friends. Her other loves. Talia was destroyed again in front of her eyes.  
This wasn't supposed to be a festival of pain, goddammit!  
Then it was off again. It was as if her life was slipping out of her control a second time. The view of her quarters stayed the same, and she relived the hour of the wolf. NO! "Why are you here?" What? "Where are you going?" In a moment she was in her quarters as they were just a few days before the end of the long war against the Shadows. Lorien stood before her. "Lorien?" "Did you think that we had forgotten you?" He smiled. "I recently said those words to another. His time was over. You have so much left. Do not let it be for nothing. "Do you not remember?" I remember being sceptical about you. Here was a random alien that had been found on the Shadow homeworld, who was claiming to be the first living creature and was spouting fortune-cookie lines at me. "Yes." And this time she shifted the image. Her memory of the scene was near- perfect, as was her memory of most things, but to remember through the Great Machine is to experience again. Lorien's head bowed slightly as he once again spoke the words. "To live on, as we have, is to leave behind joy and love, because we know it to be transitory. Of the moment. We know it will turn to ash. Only those whose lives are brief can believe that love is eternal. You should embrace that remarkable illusion - it may be the greatest gift your race has ever received." That doesn't help. "Does it not?" No. "What do you want?" Yeah, yeah. "Has anyone ever asked you that question?" No. "Do not fear the questions. Do not fear the answering. Fear only the ignorance." I don't understand. "As it should be." Lorien faded. The vision collapsed. She felt heavy, her consciousness slipping back into her body now being unwired from the machine by Draal.  
  
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'Rent-a-cheer' she had once called it. The enthusiastic throng was here to listen to her. Many of them probably wanted to absorb some of her glory by osmosis. It was something you could easily get used to, if you weren't careful. She carefully stepped up to the podium - if she fell it would be on ISN for the rest of her life, and she didn't want it to overshadow the weight of her carefully prepared words. The speech had been introduced to the ceremony to fulfil the innate needs of several Alliance races for some sort of long-winded ramble to be the keynote of the event. It was not a tradition that she intended to uphold.  
She smiled and began in a tone that was anything but formal.  
"Hi guys."  
Stunned silence.  
"I read a book that said a good speech has three things. An anecdote, a piece of advice and a joke."  
Over-pretentious diplomatic hopes began to rise again.  
"Just about everyone I've ever cared about is dead, never ask a First One for advice, and what's a Grecian urn? About fifteen hundred credits a month. Thanks."  
With a nod and a grin she stepped down. She could have sworn that the sound of a thud came the place at the back of the room where her former Earthforce PR aide had been standing.  
Garibaldi, on the stage next to her, looked stunned.  
"Hey honey," she said to him impishly. "Ivanova's back."  
She pinched his cheek and walked out, with a twirl that would have made Delenn proud.  
In the room behind her, dignitaries were glancing about in surprise, their carefully regimented little worlds disrupted. Indeed, it was Delenn, second President of the Interstellar Alliance, who rose to the lectern and addressed the crowd to quiet them. It was a Delenn who had to suppress a smile. It was a Delenn who knew that she had made the correct choice. 


End file.
